I don’t want to forget this.
Rush’s “Presto”, Orson Scott Card’s Xenocide, a rocking chair and tears. Tears of joy, tears of knowing, tears of fear that maybe this is real, this experience I’m having. I’m shaking even now. I’m tingling.
I’ve taken drugs that simulated this. They were nothing.
I’ve been an atheist for years. Sometimes I said it out loud, sometimes I held it in my mind. Now: I doubt it.
I’ve wanted to believe in something, anything. Having a soul or a spiritual self was inconcievable to me. I’m sure this doesn’t suprise some of you that know me. I’m also sure that this experience isn’t anything new to several of my fellow humans, but this was my first. After almost 27 years, this was my first, and in-between my tears right now I’m laughing. I’m laughing that my first thought was to share it with the world in the only way I know how. My weblog.
I just had what I can only describe as a spiritual experience. I hope I have more.
Originally published on Saturday October 18, 2003 at 10:47 am
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